Cardiff family lifestyle, arts and culture blog.

5/04/2018

Are You Afraid of Your Period? #LetsTalkPeriods

A mouth breaking through material and the title.

*This post contains some graphic descriptions.

I know people often shy away from period talk, and I kinda get it. People think periods are gross, or embarrassing, or just one of those things we all know happens each month but we never talk about it. For me, my periods are something I'm actually quite scared of, and I think it's time to address this issue, whether it can be resolved or not. 


Do You Have Menophobia?


My periods have always been heavy and painful. I know other women suffer much worse than me, but since the age of 14 I've had a really difficult time with heavy periods, from blood clots to leaking through my clothes, when that time comes I feel low, paranoid and pretty drained.

This feeling is based on so many things. Firstly, I am really afraid of bleeding to death. I know it sounds like a really silly phobia, but it's true. I remember seeing The Witches of Eastwick for the first time and watching the scene with Michelle Pfeiffer, I literally felt so sick and it was then I realised how much it scared me. Perhaps the film created this fear, who knows… All I know is, when my period comes, those images float back into my mind.

After I'd given birth to George I had a really heavy bleed at home and was taken into hospital. I was petrified. Was this it?! Was I about to bleed to death? (I can't even utter the world 'haemorrhage', it makes me sick to my stomach to type it.)

I can still remember the rush of blood feeling as it poured out of me, my body tensing each time as if I could hold it in. I remember the midwife telling me that if it was going to come out, then it was going to come out, and to just relax. I know she was right, and I hear her voice every month, for 'five to seven days' (My Girl, of course!).

My fear has reached an all time high since having our miscarriage last year. The feeling as our baby ebbed away still hits me each month. I stand up and the feeling comes; the flow, the gush, the reminder of each moment during that tormenting time. I can't get it out of my head.

I also can't stand the mess, because with it comes more fear. When I soak through the bedsheets I wake wondering, 'How much this time?' and since the miscarriage I'm actually scared to look. But look I must.

I also dread going out. What if I leak through? What if I drip onto my clothes and I'm on a night out? What if I forget a back up sanitary towel? What if I smell? All those questions and more racing around my head...

I must say that things have become a bit better since taking on a vegan diet. My periods are still adjusting somewhat, but my bloodclots are now smaller than before. I think this change will be gradual, and regardless of the clots I still tense up when there's a rush of blood. And I still worry. Constantly.

I'm working on it though, and this is the first step. Being honest, opening up to you, talking about it all. Using words that make me uncomfortable. I'm very emotional as I write this, facing up to my fear of my own blood. My natural cycle which has become an irrational nightmare. Is it irrational though? To fear that much blood? I'm really not sure.

I wonder how many other women feel this way? I wonder how many women could talk about this, and ultimately help each other? I wonder…

Are you afraid of your periods? Let's talk about it. Let's open up the door to period chat and fear of bleeding. It exists. And we have a chance to make it better, to make each other see how normal we all are. A chance to see our periods as a positive thing, a normal thing, a thing to actually be proud of.

Because we should be. We should be able to talk about it. We should be able to share stories without judgement or regret. We should be able to support each other and embrace our bodily functions (gosh, that's such a horrid term isn't it?!).

So, let's change things. 

                              Let's be open. 

                                      Let's talk periods… 


pinterest pin with feminine mouth breaking through material plus title
Share:

No comments

Post a Comment

Blogger Template Created by pipdig