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5/08/2016

The parenting emotion I will never understand...

I still remember how I felt the first day my son started school. I felt utterly bereft. There was my tiny boy in uniform, confused and lost in the strange new world of 'school'. I walked away with my daughter and cried.

Then, when Molly joined him, I literally spent a day in a haze of tears and discontent. I counted the hours until we would see each other again.

Every morning George would demand kiss after kiss and Molly would cry going in. Every afternoon Molly would come out with a look of pure relief, all smiles she would run to me and we'd hug until we couldn't breathe! When the holidays came around we were at our happiest. Relaxed and void of clock-watching, we spent our days loving each other and living the way that suited us.

When the holidays were over we were miserable again. I remember friends saying how they couldn't wait for the term to begin again, to have time to themselves... I remember their mouths moving but the words, 'They need to go back to school,' were blurred in my mind. I couldn't quite 'get it', and not much has changed for me.

Home education didn't start because we missed each other, but it certainly made our decision easier. Since home education began I've heard, 'I couldn't do it, I couldn't have them with me all the time, I'd never get anything done, I'd never have me time'. I never reply to these comments.

It's not because I'm judging anyone, it's not because I don't care what you feel, I simply can't comprehend what you're saying...

My emotions are the complete opposite of these, so I guess we'll never understand one another, the concepts are so alien to each other. I have a friend who feels exactly the same and at the end of the hols we used to text each other with sad faces and grumbles that it was 'that time again...'

Don't get me wrong, this certainly isn't an attack on those that feel this way, I supose I'm just trying to explain why my face freezes and I turn silent when people say these things. It explains why I have no words to say, because quite frankly, I just don't understand it.

And that makes me realise why people stare blankly at me when I mention home ed. They just don't 'get' it.

It's a weird one, I know. But I think as long as we resepct each other's views and emotions, we can deal with their polarity. We can push forward and through the barrier of confusion. We may never quite 'get' the other person, but we have a chance to live and let live with respect and joy in our hearts.

And failing that? Well, I believe we're wise enough and kind enough to go our separate ways... xxxx
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2 comments

  1. I'll never forget, or forgive myself for I suppose, the day the teacher took my little one from my arms crying. It only happened once. I felt much like you every time I dropped my girls off. It never improved. School demands far too many compromises from children & their families. In the end we decided they weren't compromises we were willing to make. 4 months school free now & my only regret is that we sent them in the 1st place. Nice blog x

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  2. Totally heartbreaking. School isn't for everyone and I agree with you, the regret comes from sending them in the first place. They still talk of their old friends and some they still see, and we've had, 'I might go back one day,' from my daughter, and that's ok. I feel it's their choice to make to go back, but I'd never send them back to the same school. Home education is a wonderful way of life. Where are you based? X

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